LIFE IS FULL OF PEAK’S & VALLEY’S
Listening to this INCREDIBLE mix while writing HERE
Sunday Vibes Flowing…
Oh, it’s been so long friends- I have ignored this blog for a whole 9 months, which makes me laugh because I had big intentions of blogging my entire life abroad in January. I left you hanging and made my own pivots for the rest of 2023.
I am back, at least to drop a little love. I find this is a good space for me to share but I have to be called to do so, I always wonder how the bloggers do it- always creating amazing entries, sharing their day-to-day- maybe that’s Katy 2024? We will see! But for now, hi babies- thank you for holding space for me.
I had a real AH HAH moment yesterday as I traveled back to America after 10 days across the pond and then some. I reflected on how August started, with the incredibly painful loss of one of my dear friends, and how it ended, hand in hand with dear friends on the beaches of Portugal. It was at that moment that I truly remembered once again that life is a series of peaks and valleys.
Valley: I have had loss before, I have lost grandparents, uncles, and various other people in my life, but I have never felt the loss of a friend. There is nothing that can prepare you for any loss but this pain, ouch! It cuts deep and it feels like there is fog that comes and goes. For example, today I was logging into Disney + and forgot that Aaron was on the family plan and there it was…his name, chosen icon, and viewing history. I felt smacked in the face this time, I have seen his name a MILLION times on the Disney interface, but today, seeing his name felt so permanent and painful. I did have a laugh when I looked at his history and was reminded how much he loved Sharks, his content was all shark shows- it was a giggle in a moment of disbelief. But we keep going, Grief is a feeling that sometimes you can ease and other times it feels so lonely and isolating and so painful. Like the world goes on and you are still kind of left in the days when your loved one was around. I can’t bring myself to watch this video my friend Kim sent me, I watched it once and it brought me comfort but now it brings me so much pain because it’s a reminder of how far gone his voice is- I tell you what GRIEF IS A DAMN VALLEY. But then there are the peaks, the beautiful peaks…
Peaks: After the loss of Aaron, I had a trip planned that I almost did not go on but decided literally hours before that I had to go. That trip became one of the most healing four days of my life. The friends I vacationed with offered me space, shoulders to cry on, and a comfort that I don’t think I can ever repay them for. The waters were a place where I could cry and float, the birds (a special totem from Aaron) were more beautiful and the silence allowed for me to go internal and push myself to heal. More peaks came in the form of another trip to see my boyfriend (yes, so many updates 🙂) in London and to visit friends in Portugal. I was honestly a little worried about taking this trip, What if grief hit me in these cities and I didn’t have the tools to get myself out of it? What if I was triggered by something and reminded of the sadness of the loss? What if I had too much fun and forgot about everything- I now know this is a common fear/thought from people who have faced loss. A list of questions and things I could not control- which ya girl LOVES to control, so it was a trust fall. On the other side of all the unknowns was the creation of beautiful memories, true moments of being present, fewer tears, laughter, and lots of “pinch me, this can’t be my life” days. Take the trip, meet the peak, and meet the moment.
As I return to home and routine I would be lying if I don’t worry about the next valley but I am quickly reminded that regardless of what it is- I will be ok. I have this team of love that surrounds me, that pushes me, that makes me smile, that comforts me, that allows me to be silent and not say a word, that answers every Facetime, that holds my hand and makes me cake, that checks on me, keeps me going and reminds me that WE ARE ON TOP OF THE WORLD! Also, I have Jhette, who is pure love and joy.
We keep going, we keep living, we keep creating, we keep crying, we keep honoring and we keep on keeping!
All my LOVE always!
-Accoringtokaty
From Jamaica to London to Portugal with Love
A beautiful letter of sympathy from a pal- the words came right on time and I’m so grateful.
Jhette Jhette
