A love letter to all of the single baddies...
I've wanted to write a blog about dating for months, I've started and stopped the piece maybe 10 times not feeling motivated, unsure what to say, questioning my authority on the topic, and wishing I had more Carrie from SITC stories to share to make the piece feel thrilling, but the truth is I don't.
Sure, I've had some INCREDIBLE dating stories and then there are those that don't deserve airtime. But it actually doesn't matter because of the beautiful shift I have made in my life...I don't measure my happiness via validation from another person. I am happy because I have created that happiness. I'll say that again...I am happy because I HAVE CREATED THAT HAPPINESS.
I have spent years trying to mindfully manifest this perfect partner and love story. I have dedicated sections of my vision board to this topic for nearly 15 years, which feels crazy! Along the way, I have found my way into “situationships” that for a moment may feel like my dream manifestation, but ultimately confuse me and quickly end (ok, sometimes not that quick, "Katy repeat Hilbert" is a nickname from friends) and lose the spark and fun factor after a few miss steps. But I wouldn't take any of that back because it's brought me to where I am today, finally writing this blog about my joy of single ship vs. a hate post on all the trials and tribulations dating in the 2000s.
As of this week (ha!) I've stopped calling men "trash" because of this Tiktok (can I get an Amen for TikTok, we love you). I'm a high-vibration person, who when it came to dating, has been operating at a low vibration. This video stopped me in my tracks and made me realize that even my jokes and disses were shifting things in the wrong direction. So, as self-aware people, we stop that behavior and keep it moving.
I've also done A LOT of self-work to get me here. This does not happen overnight, again see above my latest growth. But digging in and learning more has been both rewarding and annoying. Some of my favorite resources and tips are below:
1. A Return to Love- I stole my friend Liz's copy years ago and it's been so helpful. I'll say there are a lot of God references but the message is still beautiful and helpful A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"
2. The Power of Letting Go- it’s a great reminder of what you can and can’t control- spoil alert, we can’t control anything, find ease where you can, and let life FLOW in!
3. Not a book- but my favorite IG Account (Amournoir) that reminds me of my own greatness and what I'm seeking every Sunday
A few other tips I've learned along the way:
1. Only do things that bring joy! If you want to go out, go out for yourself, not to hunt for attention. That energy can be felt by everyone in the room. Stop Immediately. Honor your needs and feelings at all times. This took time for me to learn and I would say in the last year I've fully learned this, so have patience.
2. Focus on all that is wonderful and swimmingly in your life. More will come. Lean into the aspects that are working instead of trying to "fix" what isn’t.
3. Learn to enjoy your alone time. Savor it. Become friends with yourself and know that someone's IG story is not an accurate portrayal of their life. You're not missing out. Everything that is meant for you will find you at the perfect time - this is a FACT
4. Mediation- it helps. It changes your life. I highly recommend it. Give my BFF Lauren Purnell a listen, she has amazing meditations for all levels
5. Spiritual Work- whatever that looks like for you. For me, that looks like monthly sessions with my Shaman Joan.
6. Therapy- enough said
I want and deserve a beautiful love story (and so do you!) but I am not willing to sacrifice ANY part of my happiness for this. As our queen, Tracee Ellise Ross said in a recent interview with Kevin Hart, "I would love a relationship that makes my life better than it is, but I have no interest in being in a relationship to be in a relationship.”
So this blog post is a love letter to Single Katy and all the other beautiful single baddies who have decided that being single is better than compromising your joy. I'm so proud of you. You are clear on your goals and intentions, you have set some dope boundaries, you are still a fun girl, your dating stories still have prime placement in the group chat, YOU are the light, and your happiness will and can not be measured by another person, you are enough ❤️
Now report back on all your dating stories, I love the tea 🍵 ! Go be BAD babies!
The soundtrack for writing: "Love" was created by me
P.S. I'm not the only girlie setting boundaries, this is an incredible read from Psychology Today - Making mention that there are more single men because the ladies are not taking any sh$t
